Sequence 2 - Day 1

Last week we (the three other new pharmacy tech students and I) were marched in front of our new class to ask questions and receive advice from the other students. One girl was so shy she turned red. I was embarrassed at first, but I also realized this same thing probably happened to all of the other students in the class.

After that little adventure I started getting really nervous about starting my new classes. The teacher seemed so serious and stern. I couldn't tell if the class was a fun class or a difficult and serious class. I was nervous enough that I jolted awake at 3am Sunday, freaking out over whether it was Sunday morning or Monday morning and whether I needed to get up for school and whether I remembered to set my alarm.

Today was the first day of the actual pharmacy tech classes. I woke up on time, I got to school on time and everything was okay. My teacher, who was hard to read at that first "meeting" was a little easier to read today. From what I can see, he's got a serious look all the time, yet he has a pretty good sense of humor. Maybe it's a dry sense of humor. I never understood exactly what "dry humor" is, so I can't say if that's what it is. The students are even funnier than the teacher is. They were laughing and joking during break and I couldn't help but laugh along with them.

Then there was the actual class and schoolwork. Some of it was pretty boring. We went over all the school rules and policies and the classroom rules and policies. That took at least an hour and a half. When we finally got into the work, it was pretty easy. Some of it was new to me but I caught on right away. It was all math today. Tomorrow we're supposed to start some sort of computer system after we do math.

I think it's going to be okay. I think I can do this, even though it's scary and I worry that I won't do as well as I want to do. I want grades like I got in my last sequence. I want to maintain my 4.0 GPA. There are a couple things my counselor and I discussed regarding my schoolwork:

First, I need to take my time. I may have mentioned before that I have this need to be first and be best. Maybe I can do both, but I should focus more on what's more important--doing my best.

Second, I need to do the best I can. I need to study as much as I can, do all of my homework, show up for class every day and follow all the rules and policies.

And last, I need to accept that doing my best is all I can ask of myself. If I don't get perfect grades, it doesn't mean I'm bad or stupid or worthless. If I don't get perfect grades, it doesn't mean I won't get a job. If I don't get perfect grades, it doesn't mean I have to give up.

Sometimes I want to give up. I really do. I think, "I can't really do this." And I remember that I've never really finished anything I've started. I always get close to finishing and then give up because it's too hard. Because I'm not good enough. I have incentive to finish this. The biggest incentive is that I owe over $5,000 toward this schooling. I can't take that back now. The loan money has already been dispersed...