More Gratitude

I may have said this before, but even in my darkest times, I know how blessed I've been. I know how lucky my circumstances are and I feel grateful for what I have. You may wonder why, if I know how lucky I am and how grateful I am for my circumstances, I would ever want to end it all. It has more to do with my inherent hatred for myself than anything else. But that's not what I want to talk about right now.

What I want to talk about is how grateful I am. New opportunities have come to me recently. I started school and am doing incredibly well so far. I got into the Vocational Rehabilitation program, which will assist me in finding and keeping a job. I'm in the Family Self-Sufficiency program, which will help me purchase my very own home. There are Social Security programs that will allow me to ease into employment and off Social Security, if my health permits. The biggest obstacle, aside from actually being mentally able to keep a full-time job, is making sure I have health insurance. But with the new health care plan, it looks like there will come a time when my preexisting illness will no longer keep me from obtaining health insurance. But even if it does, I found out there is a way to "buy into" Medicare and Medicaid if I'm unable to get health insurance. It makes sense--it's cheaper for them to pay for my medical expenses and keep me employable than it is to keep paying me disability payments. And above and beyond all the opportunities, I am having success with the Prozac so far. Granted, it's only been 17 days, but I am feeling SO MUCH better.

So that's my gratitude list for tonight.