Slipping

Sometimes I want to curse my head and the insanity that consumes it. School is fast approaching--only 16 more days to go. And here I am, fighting off a wicked depression. I'm not exactly sure what's going on. I know it seems like I'm self-sabotaging, but I'm definitely trying not to. I'm still going to go to school and I'm still going to finish it successfully. I'm just back to my struggling-ness right now. I keep telling myself that when school starts things will get better. If nothing else, I'll hopefully be too busy to spiral out of control.

One of the things I'm still worrying about is my sleep schedule. I go to bed early. I wake up at least twice per night, sometimes more. I have my alarm set to wake me up at 6:15am. I get up and turn it off and when I go back to my bed to put my contacts in, I lay my head down on the pillow instead and sleep until 8:30-9:00am. I'm just so tired when I get up early and one of the main thoughts running through my head is, "I've got nothing better to do right now so I might as well go back to sleep." On the days that I do have something to do I'm able to get up. I just worry that I'll be able to get up the first week of school and the second week I won't. I guess time will tell.

Well...the depression kicked in and I slipped downhill quite a ways this past few weeks. It got to the point that I hadn't done dishes in 8 days. My living room was a disaster, with stuff strewn everywhere. My showers became less frequent. I've avoided all kinds of phone calls and responsibilities that I can put off. And I just don't care.

BUT I did a little something about it today. I did my dishes. I cleaned up my living room. And later on this evening I plan to take a shower. I figured it was time to pick myself up and do something. Living in disarray certainly doesn't help my depression. And I guess my mood has picked up a little bit. At least my environment is back to the way it's supposed to be.