Uncharted Waters

It's uncharted waters I'm in now. Or maybe not. Maybe I've gone through this crap so much that it's just become all the same. Attachment, rejection, abandonment. It's the theme of my life, as sad as that sounds. I have story upon story about attachment, rejection and abandonment. It never ends.

So is that what this is? Another chapter in my attachment, rejection, abandonment story?

It was Sukey's first day. She's a great person. She's so nice, with a great sense of humor, easy-going and happy. So why am I sad? Why am I scared? I know her. I've worked with her before. I shouldn't be sad, I shouldn't be scared. But I am.

And what of counseling? I looked through my insurance list again tonight. I wrote down the phone numbers of all the individual female counselors in the list. When I gather the courage I'll start making the phone calls. Every one of those counselors is at least a two-hour bus ride away. When can I make the time to see a counselor that's two hours away? Tuesdays are the only days I have open during the day. But I have to be back to work at 4pm. And who's to say that Tuesdays will be open with this counselor? The only days I don't work with the kids are Mondays and Fridays. Of those two days, Monday is the only day I could get away with taking time off. Friday is just too busy a day. So I guess that opens up my possibilities a little...but not much. I'm starting to give up hope. I had a good thing. And it's gone.