I was so nervous that I was getting teary in the waiting room. I wasn't sure I was in the right place, for one thing, and I wasn't sure how the appointment was going to go. I had questions written out to ask her, but I was too scared to pull them out during the appointment, so I just tried to remember them. One question I forgot to even write down was whether there's a limit on the number of sessions we can have. It seems like there might not be.
So when I got there and I saw her open the door and let her last client out, I thought, "I hope that's not her..." I don't know why I thought that. When I got in with her, she was so nice. She's quiet and gentle and not at all confrontational.
I started crying almost as soon as I sat down. We talked about why I was looking for a new counselor and we talked about my last two counselors. She asked why we worked so well together and what they provided that really helped me. I found little chances to mention some of the things I wanted from counseling with her. We talked about what issues I want to work on. She was completely willing to listen to what I had to say and answer my questions. I asked her, of the three issues that seemed important for me to work on, what she thought we should work on first. She replied by asking me what I thought was most important to work on first. I appreciated that response.
She has heard of Art Awakenings, to the point that she knew we participate in First Friday and she asked me if I go to the downtown studio. I was impressed. I told her about how I use art as a therapeutic tool and she seemed comfortable with that. I even showed her pictures of my collages. I tried not to get too detailed about everything, since I wasn't even sure we were going to be working together, so I didn't tell her what each of the collages meant. But if the opportunity comes, I'll explain them to her. I also told her about my creative journal and that I like to write. If I don't get too nervous and I remember, I want to mention that I'd like to share my artwork and writings with her and also I wanted to tell her about my problems with nightmares.
She asked me about where I saw myself when I'm "better". I told her I'd like to be working full-time and go off social security, but that I've been thinking this might not be the right time economy-wise to do it. She said that's a realistic thought and that I shouldn't push myself before I'm ready and have everything in place. I liked that.
She knows about Magellan and I told her that it might be nice to have counseling that's not tied to Magellan, but that I wouldn't mind if she had to talk to my case manager anyway. At the end of our appointment, she asked if I thought this would be a good fit. I didn't hesitate; I knew I wanted to try working with her. She said that if at any time it doesn't feel like a good fit, she would be supportive in me finding a different counselor. She also said that she understands that sometimes people grow out of a counselor and need to move on to someone else. That all made me feel more comfortable. We were in there for an hour. I filled out all the paperwork and she gave me a little thing to write down what I'm looking for in counseling, what I'm willing to do, etc. I have an appointment for next Wednesday.
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