Just Right

My therapist suggested I read a free e-book called "Suicide: The Forever Decision." I figured it would be an okay book, but there's really nothing that could convince me in my darkest moments that suicide isn't a good option. But there was one thing in that book that changed my mind. It was the section about how suicide affects those around you. I've thought of that before, but it never really hit me like it did when I read this book. I thought of my therapist, who I adore and am so attached to. I thought about how she would feel if I killed myself. I put myself in her position and I thought of how it would kill me inside to know that my first client killed herself. I never want to do that to her. Interesting that that's the thing that changed my mind. I guess I've never had someone who had so much dedication to me and so I didn't care as much about what the consequences would be. Now I care. If she's as dedicated to me as she seems to be, I'll have a forever reason to never kill myself, even in my darkest hours.

In sillier news, I've had this problem in my pants. Not the kind of problem you may be thinking (whatever you're thinking right now). Basically every time I stand up I have to pull my pants up. This sounds like a good thing. I mean, pants that have gotten too big, that's a nice feeling. Well, it was--the first three months or so. Now it's just annoying. Everyone can see my underwear all the time. Yikes! I keep looking for pants that fit. I find plenty of pants that are too big and even more that are too small. And when they're a little too small, my top belly fat sticks out more than my bottom belly fat. Plus, they still show off my underwear when I'm sitting. It's quite unattractive all around.

I finally learned of a solution. Lane Bryant has a line of pants called "Right Fit." So today I went out and tried some on. The sizes are confusing. I thought a size 1 meant 1X. Nope. My size 18/20 translates to a size 4. I don't know why or how they came up with that number, but whatever. They have three different fit types. Yellow, blue and red. Yellow means your hips and waist are equal. Blue means your hips are bigger than your waist. And red is in between. I thought I was a yellow, but it seems I might be a red. At least, that's what I bought. And WOW. It's such a nice feeling to have pants that aren't too small in the waist and aren't too big in the legs. My underwear aren't in constant view anymore. And my top belly isn't sticking out more than my bottom belly. They were much more expensive than I usually pay for pants. But I think I'm going to buy another pair. I like these pants.