Cultural Competency

I had a bit of a breakdown at work yesterday. I was overwhelmed, overworked and underpaid. Everybody was coming to me for stuff. All. Day. Long. Because I'm still a client, I get to choose the hours I work. I keep my hours at or under 20 per week to keep my Social Security and Section 8. But that's just the hours I get paid for. That's if I keep with the hours I chose to work. I'm regularly working outside of my work hours, starting early and ending late. My longest days start at 9am and sometimes don't end until almost 7pm. This wouldn't be a problem if I wasn't constantly "on". My hours on my longest days are supposed to be 9am-12pm and then 4pm-6pm. Five hours total. Often I'm still working during my "off" time, either because nobody is readily available or because there are just too many people wanting too much all at once.

Let's take yesterday, for example. Tuesdays I'm not on shift until 12pm, then I work until 3pm and start again with the youth program from 4pm-5:30pm. Well yesterday our main clinical staff member was out sick. So it was me and the clinical support staff. One thing I've noticed about the support staff is that she wants me and the other studio assistant to take care of the clients while she does other things. Not that she's not working, she's just doing other things, like typing up her notes. Nobody goes to her for anything and I think I know why: whenever someone asks her for something she directs them to me or the other studio staff, whether we're on shift or not. It's frustrating! Can't I ever just be a client?

And so I had my little breakdown yesterday. I started off asking to take a break; it was already 3:10pm and some people were still waiting on transportation to take them home. I was the one who had to tell them to clean up. And they didn't really listen to me. So I took a break. I went into the office and sat down in the chair and put my head back. Not 2 minutes after I sat down, someone came into the office asking for something. I, of course, took care of what she needed. What else was I going to do? If I directed her to the support staff she would have been directed back to me! As soon as I took care of that, I left the office and headed to another room, away from the studio. It was the group room for the supported living program. And then I heard the supported living staff talking down the hall and I worried they were about to have a group in the group room. At this point I was already crying and I certainly didn't need other clients seeing me crying alone in a dark room. So I finally settled on a spot on the floor in the hallway and let the tears flow.

After a few minutes of crying, I heard my supervisor down the hall and so knew she had returned. I went up to her office and dumped all of my frustrations on her. The issue has yet to be resolved, but resolution is in the process. Friday we'll have a staff meeting and discuss what to do about it. I simply can't be working 36-40 hours a week, especially when I'm only getting paid for 20.

I left yesterday still feeling overwhelmed, stressed and exhausted.

Today I wasn't at work. I had a training scheduled: cultural competency training. It was an 8am-5pm training, so I was gone all day. Usually I hate having to miss out on my Art Awakenings time, whether it's work time or *supposed* personal art-making time. But today I was looking forward to some time away. More importantly, time away without being home alone. The training location was just across a small field at the building across the way. Literally only a few hundred yards away from the studio. My plan had been to use my lunch hour to go check in at the studio and say hi to everyone.

It didn't happen at first, but after a while I got to talking to a couple of the people sitting around me. It was good times. One of the ladies that I connected with the most asked me if I was still planning on going back to Art Awakenings for lunch. I told her I was and that I'd see her when I got back, then I headed out. Before I even got out the door, I turned around and went back in. Something told me she may have wanted someone to have lunch with. So I asked her if she wanted some company and we ended up walking down the street to get sandwiches. It was great! And honestly, I didn't miss going to the studio. I felt like, for the first time in a very long time, I had a life outside of Art Awakenings...even if it was just for the day. This woman and I ended up exchanging numbers at the end of the day. I truly hope we become friends and get to hang out together. I desperately need friends right now.

After the training was over, I finished out my day working with the youth group. I left as soon as the kids were gone. I wasn't feeling good--low sugar and lots of pain in my collar bone. All in all, today was a wonderful experience for me. It was my first ever clinical training. I met a new friend. And I got a break from the stress I was feeling.