My birthday sucked. Only my brother remembered. None of my friends even called me; they still haven't. I suppose I could call them, but what do you say when your friends forget your birthday? "By the way, you completely missed my birthday and I had to call you because you're obviously not going to call me any time soon." I did get to spend some time with my brother. My parents are out of town. I went to Art Awakenings where nobody seemed to care much that it was my birthday and then I went out to dinner with my brother. That was my birthday. Except for one thing.
I got a voicemail from one of my doctors on Thursday. I called back yesterday morning. I won't go into much detail, but it turns out one of my tests came back abnormal and I need to have a procedure and a biopsy done. Nobody cares about my birthday and now I'm sick. And speaking of sick, I'm still getting over a cold that started almost two weeks ago. How miserable.
I started feeling depressed Thursday morning, before I even had any bad news. I could tell my birthday was going to pass, uncelebrated. I was so depressed. I actually even told myself I was going to kill myself Thursday night. And I said to my therapist (trying to sound like I was joking), "You know, if I die tonight, they'll be able to say 'She didn't even make it to 26.'" I don't think she caught the insinuation. She was having a bad day, herself. I can't blame her for not picking up on my desperation.
Today I'm feeling just as depressed. I'm not sure what to do with myself.
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