A Most Difficult Position

It's an interesting place to be in. It took so many months to build up the strength to do what was best for me. I knew some people would think this was not a good decision to make. But I simply can't continue to be in a situation that is so miserable for me. Yet so many would say that I'm doing myself a disservice and putting myself in a worse situation by leaving the church. I'm not saying I'll never go back. I just need to take a break. For two years I tried to get my faith back, to make myself believe again. It never happened.

And so here I am, having been away for six months and things are getting hairy. I finally got the courage to be assertive and ask to not be contacted. People from my past are coming out of the woodwork, looking for me. It's a little disconcerting. I have one friend left and she is a recently returned missionary. In all this time, I have avoided telling her. I could imagine that her reaction would include pressuring me to go back. But still I hung out with her, not sure what to do.

Tonight was the night.
"Do you remember Natalie?"
Slight pause. I knew where this was going.
"Yes, I do."
"She says you don't want home teachers or visiting teachers anymore."
"No."
"What's going on?"
Another slight pause.
"I don't know."
Three minutes of dead silence before the conversation continued.

She still wants to be my friend. That much I had counted on. She says she's not going to press the issue. The reaction was a little better than I thought it would be. Of course, she wants what's best for me. But she says our friendship is not dependent on my being active in the church. I appreciate that. I hope things continue to go well and I can feel comfortable around her, living my life the way I feel is best for me at this point.