Grand Opening

Yesterday was the grand opening ceremony for the new Art Awakenings studio. It was a madhouse at times. With so many people coming and going, there was no way I could even estimate how many there were. The most important person (to me) who came was my caseworker. I had a great time introducing her to everyone and showing her around. I helped set up, gave tours, socialized and helped clean up. Though I have to admit I hid out in an office for the last half of the grand opening. Once my caseworker left I was lost in the crowd and lost to myself. I found someone and clung to her to prevent myself from dissociating. Once everyone left, I was a little better. I came home and my mind was spinning. I had to take an anxiety pill just to get to sleep because my mind wouldn't stop and I felt like I needed to crawl out of my skin.

I didn't know what I was going to do this weekend. I usually need something to hold my attention for long periods of time, which often ends up being a round of shopping. Today I might be okay to stay at home and laze around the house. Maybe do some artwork, some knitting, some writing. After so much stimulation last night, a lazy weekend might do some good. Or it may give me too much time to think and I may have to get out of the house. We'll see.

After she left, I started cutting again. I couldn't help myself. I was so upset and confused and alone and scared. Eliza mentioned that someday I should try to go three months without cutting. Cutting has been a big part of my life the past few months. It's been my respite through all the changes. Both changes around me and changes within me. When I heard about my chances of working with the kids, I decided it was time to try my three months. So far I'm on day 18.