Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Goals...or the lack thereof
We talked about some of my goals in life, Rosalyn and I. She asked me if I want to have a husband and children. Yes, I want to have children. But a husband...I'm not so sure about that. I don't want to be in love. I don't want anyone to be in love with me. There's something weird about that. Something not normal. I don't know what to do to fix it. Do I really want to fix it? And Rosalyn had an interesting response. She told me that I would find the right man someday. That I would find someone I want to be in love with, when I get healthy. I doubt that, I'd told her. I haven't found anyone yet that I've been even slightly interested in. You haven't been healthy yet...that was her response. True...so true. So maybe one day I will want to be in love. Maybe I'll find someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. But right now I can't see myself spending the rest of my life with anyone. I'm even wondering whether or not I really want to have children. Maybe I'm feeling a little hopeless about the future. Maybe I feel like there's nothing I really want to do but finish living. I have no career goal. I have no family goal. I have no goal for anything. What am I doing with my life?
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2 comments:
I didn't want to be in love until I turned 37... there is no magic age when you should meet that goal. But when it does come embrace and feel it for all its worth...nothing will be more healing for you, I promise.
It's funny...I feel fine with not being in love, but I feel really weird being so different from everyone else. I think that's what bugs me the most. I sure hope it comes and that healing comes.
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