More Changes

My supervisor is transferring to one of the other Art Awakenings studios. Hm. I'm quite sad about this, as she's such a wonderful supervisor and has helped me so much in my work endeavors. However, I think I've gotten to the point that I just don't care. Well, it's not so much that I don't care, but that I've accepted the fact that nothing is going to be as good as it was before. Everything is going to change and there's nothing I can do about it anymore. My options are to accept the change or isolate myself at home. I don't really have the sanity to sit at home by myself all day. Daytime TV is boring. So who cares anymore, right?

I'm in counseling and sometimes I question why. I don't want to open up and the moment I start to, I freak out. It was different with the last one. I trusted her more than I've ever trusted anyone before. I was getting to the point where I felt I could tell her anything. And she knew me. As cliche as it is, she knew me better than I know myself. But then, she saw me five days a week. She saw my bad days and my good days. She saw my hope and my despair. She knew what to do for me.

My new counselor...I really like her. I know she has the potential to help me. But I don't trust her like the last one. I don't want to open up to her. I keep things superficial. I talk mostly about work. I feel like I'm wasting time, but at the same time I know that it'll take time to feel comfortable with her. I only see her once a week. She doesn't see the true me, she sees the face I put on. Will she ever see the real me? It's hard for me to take that face off with her. It's not that I don't want to. I just can't seem to do it. There were times, right at the beginning, where I cried. I cried over losing my last counselor. So she has seen me cry, at least.

But why am I in counseling? Am I just wasting our time? Will I get to the point where I can open up? Will I be able to take off that face?