After much thinking and considering of my options, I made a decision. A compromise, of sorts. I don't want to completely give up my job. I liked it at one point and there are things I still like about it. The obvious compromise is to decrease my hours. With a mixture of relief and sadness, I also decided to give up the kids groups. I found that at the end of the day I simply didn't have the energy to work with the kids, especially on my more difficult days. It's not fair to the kids that I'm not as invested in them as I used to be (and should be).
Today was my last day with the kids. Teen group. It was the more difficult group to say goodbye to. There is a girl I've connected with and it broke my heart to have to say goodbye to her. I wish there was some way I could work with just her, as a mentor or something. But even then, would I be able to offer what she needs when I can't even take care of myself?
I sometimes wonder if my presence made any difference at all. I didn't do much. I was more of a background "second set of eyes." Maybe I don't need to know if I made a difference.
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