The End

We had our last session. Even though I was crying the WHOLE time, it was a great session. Even our most difficult sessions have been great. And this was no exception.

I had to do something to ease the pain. But also something to tell her what she means to me. How she's helped me. So I wrote her a letter. I wrote her a letter about the things she has taught me in our year and a half together. I drew her a picture. I drew her a picture of our time. The billowing black clouds on one side. The jagged lines of ups and downs in the middle encompassed by a large sunshine in the background. The smaller, lighter clouds at the end. The beginning...my time before her. My black clouds of distrust, disgust, despair. The middle...our times in therapy. The ups and downs. The good and the bad--always hard. But the sunshine in the background...her presence always there. And the end...the lighter clouds. They're still there, but they're more manageable. More calm.

We looked through my file. The things we'd done in our sessions. She made copies of some things for herself (with my permission, of course) and the rest she gave to me. I let her keep a picture of my inner child. I let her keep the sock doll I'd made. The sock doll that represented me. I let her keep some of my artwork I'd done. And she gave me some pictures. Two pictures of the two of us together. One picture of me. And one picture of her. I said the things I needed to say. I cried. A lot. I'm still crying. But it was the perfect ending to the perfect therapy. I have my closure, even though the pain is still there. I don't know when or if it'll ever go away. But I have to overcome this. If only to prove that those clouds truly are lighter and more manageable because of her.