Saturday, January 5, 2008
The Mess
I'm obsessing. I'm alienating. I'm worrying. I'm contemplating. I'm a mess. And somehow I still have some hope keeping me going. I look back at pages and pages of writings in various places and all I can see is a gradual descent into hopelessness. Into darkness. Into madness. Will telling my secrets truly make me free? Will it bring back my faith? Do I even want my faith back? Something snapped inside me. Something made me this anxious, nervous, depressed, paranoid mess. And I think I know what it is. She's getting too close.
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3 comments:
Hey, you... be strong, you can do it. You ARE strong, you are much stronger than what you give yourself credit.
You ARE free, free to choose, always.
Have you ever read anything from WIlliam Glasser? He is the founded of Choice Theory. In my mind he will remind you over and over of your strength, your incredible power in your life. Thankfully we can also get them from God, remember how he told us NOTHING can have power over us, unless we chose - I think thats kind of cool... NOTHING baby NOTHING!!!!
You rock.
I've never heard of William Glasser, but I'll have to look that up. We're coming to a crossroads in therapy, so it's a little scary to continue. And my therapist seems to think I haven't been making the progress I could be making. I can understand why. I've been a mess!
Hopefully that will change when I start really opening up instead of hiding myself from her.
yeah, its a huge step in the right direction to get deep down honest with yourself, and your therapist. I have never regretted going through that process myself, but its tough, it really is. I remember being asked to draw what I felt would be the process of therapy. I draw a beach scene with a tough, rocky place at first, moving into sand dunes where you feel like you take a step forward and slide 2 back, then the grassy tussock spot, when its a little easier than the 2 previous places, but you still have to work and be aware of you all the time. And then, then you reach the glorious beach, where you stroll, rest a little, and you ponder and feel so alive in the sunset. And you marvel at the journey it took to get there. And you know that now you can conquer anything in your life, even the ocean expanse at your feet if you wanted to. That drawing sticks with me in my mind whenever I think about hard things I have to do, eventually there will be the beach. or whatever scene you find as paradise.
You can do it, I dare ya :o)
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