A New Day

Today was the first. The first day back at writing group. The first day meeting with a counselor from long ago. The first attempt to get into Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. It's a turning point in my life right now. What do I divulge? What do I keep hidden? And how...how do I get better if I keep hiding?

It's the worry of not being understood. The fear of rejection and punishment. The struggle between good and bad; right and wrong. Who will truly understand me? Is there someone who already does? The fears that come with exposing my deep and dark secrets are eating away at me. Gnawing at my soul and raging in my heart. I hate the feeling of bad. The feeling of being bad, of thinking bad, of doing bad.

And yet she seems to understand me, even encourage me. She tells me everything is okay. But she is the one I fear most. She is the one who knows my darker secrets and doesn't flinch. And that's what scares me.